Learning to Find
a Voice
By: Mary
Hovey
October 25, 2008
Saturday morning came fast for me. The hectic
schedule of my week had taken a serious toll on me, as I was very tired. I in essence ran into the proverbial brick wall that
arises out of nowhere from time to time. I remember thinking how much I was not looking forward to the home visit that was
about to take place. I was having a pity party! Isn’t it funny how we are often shown a different path when we are feeling
sorry for ourselves.
We arrived at the home, and proceeded at
the door. We were greeted, as in most homes by the sound of barking dogs, and a curious cat. The door opened and there stood
a smiling face, eager to share with us a knowledge which can only be found through experience. The mom introduced us to her
sons, and daughter. As with any mother, she spoke proudly of each of her children. She seemed to beam with pride at their
accomplishments that were displayed throughout her warm home.
As we sat at their kitchen table, we gazed
in amazement at all of the files, books and paperwork. Dolores sat with us and gave us an introduction into the lives of her
children and family. She began by telling us the age, grade, and school that her children attended.
Currently, her two boys attend a local High
School, while her daughter attends another High School. The boys are enrolled in both main stream classes as well as special
needs classes. She explained how she went to the high school, and helped to enroll her sons in their classes. She spoke of
things that interested her sons. She also spoke of accomplishments they had made within their school environment. As she spoke
she beamed from ear to ear.
Next, she moved the discussion to the topic
of parent/ teacher relations. She told us that she had her children enrolled in a special needs preschool program. She spoke
of how incredible the school was for her children. Leaving this environment however was a scary process. She admitted that
she was warned that she needed to find her voice, and be an advocate for her children.
This was a job that she has learned well!!
As her eldest son entered elementary school, she thought that things were going well. Picture day came, and went, and no pictures
were sent home for her son. She approached the teacher to ask where his pictures were, and was told that none were taken of
him. My jaw hit the floor. Apparently, the principle felt that he should not be photographed.
The end of Kindergarten came as other students
were preparing to move on to the first grade. He son however, was not going to be allowed to move on. When she approached
his teacher, the teacher explained that he was to retain the grade for another year. Once again, mom found her voice. She
took immediate action, and he went on to first grade.
The problems were minor according to her
from 1st through Middle School. This would change drastically in the 9th grade when her son entered
into the High School. Immediately, she ran into a special education teacher, whom it sounds like had an authority complex.
He immediately began by letting her know “How things were going to be”. Any ideas that she had for her son’s
learning, were shot down. He was so bold as to tell her that her son was not going to main streamed. When she questioned this,
he became rude. She had to find her voice again, and took the matter to the principle.
On several occasions she found that this
teacher was not even taking care of the basic needs of her son. He would come home from school dehydrated, and with lips so
dry, that they would crack and bleed. When she asked the teacher to make sure that her son was getting enough water, he responded
by telling her that she needed to get a doctor’s scrip detailing the amount of water that he was to give a day. When
she asked him to apply Chap Stick, he once again requested a doctor’s scrip detailing how he should apply the Chap Stick,
and how many times a day he should apply the Chap Stick. The doctor could not believe the teacher’s request.
The mother told
us also of another occasion in which her son had obtained a special machine from Medicaid. This machine (computer) was a device
that would allow her son to better communicate in class, and would allow him to expand his learning. When she approached the
school with it, they told her that it was not allowed, as it did not come from the school’s supplier. She spoke up once
again. She went to an advisor, and they finally allowed him to have the computer at school.
She described how each IEP meeting was a
power struggle between her and the “teacher”. He did not allow any
of her ideas for her son to come into action, unless she went through someone else to get his approval. He neglected to fill
out paperwork (his journal) about her son’s daily routines at school. She would ask to come and observe in the classroom.
He told her that he needed to know when she was coming, and how long that she was going to be there.
Finally, at the end of last year, she got
news that this “teacher” was no longer going to be at the high school. She expressed the joy she felt that her
sons would now have a wonderful opportunity, without her having to fight for it. The new teacher has been a real blessing
for her family. She challenges the boys, she fights for programs that will benefit her students, and she is the communicator
for the bays and their parents.
This is truly a parent whom has found her
voice. She described herself as a shy person, at first. Now she says that the school sees her, and knows that they need to
be fully prepared when she steps into the building. She knows the rights of her children, and expects for all of the I’s
to be dotted, and the T’s to be crossed.
The best part of this story is that this
mom has not only found a voice for her children, but she has found a voice for other families as well. She instructs families
on their rights. She has traveled to other parts of the State, and beyond, to see for herself what works, and what does not
work. Her passion is evident in the work she does, and in the amount of paperwork that she keeps.
My views going into this home were much different
than my views as I left the home. I felt in disbelief about the things that were going on in our society, even today. Knowing
what I do now, I believe that I left with the urgency to make a difference within the school/schools that I become involved
with. It is important to not take parent’s concerns lightly. It is important to listen to their feelings, and what has
worked for them. It is most important to view them as experts, as they have lived, researched, and taken action on a day to
day basis. In summary, be open to suggestions, and concerns, for you are only as good as your ears let you. Listen, and learn!
